a stupid little game
Sun. 4/27/2025 i swallow myself whole, spit myself back up again. my mind can't feel the way it wants to. little burning insects inside my brain. See no evil, hear no evil. Fri. 5/9/2025 the funny thing is, God will always give you the desires of your heart, whether they are good for you or not. as long as you follow His will. and I desired him. oh, how i desired him. watching movies late at night, touching hands, the fox. his pictures, my crying. why did i cry so badly that day in the car, before i even had him? over a photo of him traveling. next to [blank], no one knew what i was crying over. i'm moving forward now. soon i'm going to wean off my medicine. and then i'll be able to write beautiful words again. i think my body is slowly becoming immune to it anyway, because i'm starting to feel again. we were all made for one thing. and i was made to reject flesh and blood, the normal way to live. no matter how hard i try, i can't conform to work, home, sleep, ...
